Foodz, 21 July

Jul. 21st, 2014 11:26 pm
qian: Tiny pink head of a Katamari character (Default)
[personal profile] qian
I've just realised that my recent posts are all either "writing stuff, blah blah" or "argh stress blergh sad". Which is sadly kind of accurate! But I thought I'd try something different and try to post more regularly, if boringly. So I am going to start a food log! (Inspired by that slideshow of a day's worth of food around the world, but without pictures, so less interesting.) I'll put them under a cut, so hopefully they won't clog up your access list too much.

today )

WisCon...This is How You Fail

Jul. 20th, 2014 04:40 pm
karnythia: (Default)
[personal profile] karnythia
I have no intention of dropping out of attending WisCon. I have a lot of friends that go, and Wiscon is the only con where we can all get together. I refuse to give up my time with friends because of Jim Frenkel. This is not a new approach. It has been my approach since long before Frenkel being able to attend WisCon was ever in question. You see, I have never thought of WisCon as safe space. Not after 2009 (my first trip) and if I hoped it was safe space before then...well I was naive and I didn't know any better. I do now. Race, gender, and class have all been issues at various points for me at WisCon. Most incidents fall into microaggression territory, and as a personal philosophy I tend not to let those dissuade me from things I want to do. That is an eminently personal choice, and should not be construed as telling anyone else what to do or how to feel. If my friends stop going, then so will I. That's my standard. YMMV.

Now that we've gotten the niceties out of the way, let's talk about Frenkel. More specifically, let's talk about Frenkel, WisCon, and the response that has everyone up in arms. See back in 2009 when this picture of Frenkel staring at my breasts was taken Frenkel it was in many ways just one of those things. It was my first time at a con, we were trying to get the now defunct Verb Noire off the ground, and Frenkel was an editor at Tor. It sucks, but as a woman trying (and yes, failing) to get a new business off the ground, there was no value add in me doing more about Frenkel ogling me than getting away from him. I had been warned a few minutes earlier about his long running pattern of bad behavior towards women, and was laboring under the impression that he was tolerated at WisCon because of his position at Tor. It's awful to say this I suppose, but having worked in corporate America for some years I have a certain tolerance built up for moments like this one. That's a me thing, it does not need to be a you thing.

Over the years since when I've gone to WisCon I've made a point of steering clear of Frenkel. I've warned others about him as necessary and life has gone on. During that time I've had other issues with WisCon from fighting about the POC safe space with certain members of the concom to MoonFail. I have had it driven home over and over again that feminist space is not safe space. And yes, I've chosen to keep going anyway, while fighting all those battles to make WisCon a better space. Not safe...just better. Then Frenkel tried it with someone willing to make a report to his employer (that saga is detailed elsewhere and is not my story to tell, though I will say that I submitted this picture and an explanation of it to MacMillan in the interests of full disclosure) and faced appropriate consequences as a result. Which...removes the professional stake reasons for WisCon to keep admitting him.

Fast forward to earlier this year when the subject of Frenkel attending WisCon & possibly being on programming was raised on the concom list. On April 14th I said:
So I'm going to stick my nose in & say that I have avoided Frenkel at Wiscon every year since my first trip to WisCon. The first time I met Frenkel he spent the entirety of a fortunately brief interaction staring at my breasts. There are pictures in case anyone wants proof. I have long operated under the assumption that his presence had to be tolerated because of his position with Tor. Now I have to ask exactly what is the value add of him being on programming? For that matter regardless of whose friend he is, the fact that Frenkel was someone for women to avoid was known long before 2009. This is one of those times when WisCon could avoid a problem, but I suspect things won't be that easy. Personally I had no idea he was on any programming & assumed common sense would keep him from volunteering.


As we all know Frenkel did in fact attend Wiscon this year, and while he was not on any programming, he did volunteer in the con suite. There are any number of posts about the conversations he had with people, and how unhappy and unsafe some people felt as a result of his presence. For the record, I only saw him once, I side stepped having to interact with him at all. This is always my policy. This will always be my policy. See the aforementioned refusal to let people like him drive me away from things I enjoy doing. But note, I did attempt to tell the WisCon concom that this could only end in tears. And yes, it did lead us to the statement from a few days ago that is going to be clarified. I saw it before it dropped, but I apparently read it incorrectly, as I thought it was a four year ban followed by him having to apply to be allowed back at the con. I thought the language around that part of the process was a bit unclear, but it's been a really hectic time in my life so I didn't pause to ask for clarification.

I regret not digging in further, as I can now see that my understanding was incorrect. Although Frenkel's presence is not a breaking point for me, I can absolutely see why it would be that way for others. Additionally, there's the confusion in this thread about my report and it's impact on the proceedings. I've written about the incident with Frenkel in the past, so when I was asked for the picture and the statement on June 2nd of this year I assumed it would be a factor in the decision. As of right now it may have been, or maybe not. I'm a wee bit unclear and may remain that way in the days ahead. I am not mentioned in the statement so I don't know what to think. I am being told that it was not ignored. After being told that it wasn't known. So...make of that what you will.

Mind you, I never actually expected Frenkel to respect a ban from WisCon if one was ever handed down. He's got that kind of personality from what I have seen and heard that lets one rewrite reality to suit, and WisCon is generally not designed for a mass shunning. But here's the thing, this all looks bad. Really really incredibly bad. And I don't think it is supposed to be such a hot ass mess. But it has come out that way, and I'm...whatever the feeling is past anger and sadness. Resigned maybe? Yeah that sounds right. Resigned to the idea that WisCon isn't going to be a better space any time soon.

Or maybe at all. WisCon bills itself as a feminist sci-fi con. And compared to some others that I have attended, it is definitely better at paying lip service to being feminist than any of them. At times it is even feminist in its approach. But...that doesn't make it good at it. That doesn't make it more welcoming, safer, or significantly more adept at making policies than others. Being less awful isn't the same as being good. So yes, treat WisCon as a fun place to go with your friends, expect to have some great convos, delicious food, and a whole lot of booze. But, don't expect WisCon to be a safe space. Right now, don't even expect it to be a better space. Expect it to be less awful. That's it.

Some really good people who I like a lot as a general rule are on the concom. Some folks I don't think very highly of are also on the concom. They are all trying to do their best to whatever degree that may factor into your impression of things. Is their best good enough? Well no. Probably not. This wasn't good enough for me. I don't object so much to the possible presence of Frenkel at the hotel, as I do to WisCon not stating definitively that his behavior (which let us all be honest isn't all that unusual at cons) is unacceptable. If a feminist sci-fi con has a problem stating that a pattern of persistent inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated, then aside from panel topics what makes it more feminist than any other? For that matter, I've done some of the same panels elsewhere. Because fandom talks about these things in places that are not WisCon. And realistically, what WisCon has just said sounds a lot like "We're feminist so we can't be wrong." Heh, funny how hollow that always sounds. Turns out solidarity might just be for white men.

ETA: So Wiscon has made an apology. It's not one that I find particularly compelling, especially since I am also on the concom Google group (as I have been since 2009) and I just saw the Member Advocate state that despite having approved the apology wording, they can't really get "exercised about not including it in the document the subcommittee worked with (though doing so would have been more complete)" though they did share "incidents, letters from people who talked about their discomfort that did not rise to an incident, and letters from members who were distressed" which...oh. OH. Apparently everything else that happened was more relevant than Frenkel's behavior towards me.

Now, I know that what he did to me was barely actionable from a legal perspective. After all I immediately removed from his reach and have never gone near him again. But come on now, at least pretend to give a damn about what happened to me. Try to feign some concern. Or at least don't hand out hollow worthless apologies with one hand, while making it clear that some members are definitely worth less to you than others. Yes. I'm angry. No, I'm not so sure I'll still be going to Wiscon. May is months away, and there are a lot of things that can happen between now and then. Including exploring the potential of a new home con. Because clearly Wiscon isn't even interested in being a better space. It's just a hot damned mess.

(no subject)

Jul. 20th, 2014 10:07 am
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
- My friend Jess from Seattle, who I've known since my days on ShinraOnline.com (that's 2001, wow, so much for online friendships not being real amirite) came to visit because apparently her last visit to California was filled with microaggressive people who did not understand social justice at all so she needed to visit me to clean her palate. We went out to eat a lot because she is a food blogger and thus that is what foodies do.

- While she was here, I decided to take advantage of the fact that she lives in Seattle to finish Nisi's new bra and have her deliver it. I'd been fiddling with the pattern on and off for a while now so this gave me a chance to really work it. The first one I made was 1) a bit too big (apparently this is a possible thing); 2) that terrible ordinary straps that fed into her shoulder grooves; 3) had the most worthless band for supporting large boobs possible as it is a standard band. THIS TIME, I adapted the band into the shape of a strapless bra, which included boning, and put boning in the lower cup, and finished it with padding in the shoulder strap. My bra teacher (or as she is affectionately known, the Fairy Bra Mother) told me that the pads used for push-up bras are really good fod re-distributing weight on the shoulders. So. The bra will be delivered on Wednesday and I have to wait for feedback now. If this works, I can re-do it into something much better (the boning was kind of sewn on quite simply and it could stand to be reinforced. With nicer top-stitching).

- In preparation for San Diego Comic Con, I find myself without a carry-on bag that I can carry on my shoulders. I usually have a little white roller-bag but I think I'm going to do a far bit of walking so I would rather not subject wheels to that. I was gonna make a new one, but I think I'll pass this time and just focus on packing *very very* light. I don't plan on attending any steampunk gatherings so I'll leave the magistrate costume at home (and it never gets recognized anyway but by people who've already seen it). I found the Greyhound station and it seems really cheap to get there and back, too. Still trying to decide if I want to return on Sunday (only one bus, at the same time as a panel on multicultural heroes =/) or Monday morning (which necessitates finding a place to stay and then getting a ride into town to the station).

Does anybody want anything from Comic Con?

- Also! on Friday evening! At Pokez Restaurant! We're trying to get together POC creators, and fans, for you know, socializing. It'll be fun!

- Five things make a post, so. Uhm. Would anybody like to buy a skirt from me? 35" waist, 18" long, green/blue paisley, four in-seam POCKETS and a lot of flare! I think it's my best work so far but my waist is only 32" as it turns out so this sits on my hips uncomfortable, and I didn't add belt loops because it would fold weirdly under a belt.

i'll just stay right here

Jul. 19th, 2014 08:25 pm
glass_icarus: (to hear)
[personal profile] glass_icarus
Found via angry asian man: oh wow, this song. ♥ Priscilla Ahn - Fine on the Outside )

It's a perfect Studio Ghibli movie theme song, too (new Ghibli!! *___*).

For Anne Gregory, by W.B. Yeats

Jul. 19th, 2014 10:23 am
mergatrude: (writing - poetry)
[personal profile] mergatrude posting in [community profile] poetry
"NEVER shall a young man,
Thrown into despair
By those great honey-coloured
Ramparts at your ear,
Love you for yourself alone
And not your yellow hair.'
"But I can get a hair-dye
And set such colour there,
Brown, or black, or carrot,
That young men in despair
May love me for myself alone
And not my yellow hair.'
"I heard an old religious man
But yesternight declare
That he had found a text to prove
That only God, my dear,
Could love you for yourself alone
And not your yellow hair."
turlough: multi-coloured glass beads ((other) rainbow jewels)
[personal profile] turlough posting in [community profile] poetry
Strong sun, that bleach
The curtains of my room, can you not render
Colourless this dress I wear? -
This violent plaid
Of purple angers and red shames; the yellow stripe
Of thin but valid treacheries; the flashy green of kind deeds done
Through indolence high judgments given here in haste;
The recurring checker of the serious breach of taste?

No more uncoloured than unmade,
I fear, can be this garment that I may not doff;
Confession does not strip it off,
To send me homeward eased and bare;

All through the formal, unoffending evening, under the clean
Bright hair,
Lining the subtle gown... it is not seen,
But it is there.
turlough: Borde Hill Garden, Sussex, England, 27 June 2013 ((other) i love gardens)
[personal profile] turlough posting in [community profile] poetry
XX.
I sometimes think that never blows so red
The Rose as where some buried Caesar bled;
That every Hyacinth the Garden wears
Dropt in its Lap from some once lovely Head.

XXI.
And this delightful Herb whose tender Green
Fledges the River's Lip on which we lean -
Ah, lean upon it lightly! for who knows
From what once lovely Lip it springs unseen!


Translated by Edward FitzGerarld, 1859

Daffodowndilly by A. A. Milne

Jul. 15th, 2014 09:44 pm
turlough: art of Christopher Robin walking in in a meadow eating an apple ((pooh) over the hills and far away)
[personal profile] turlough posting in [community profile] poetry
She wore her yellow sun-bonnet,
She wore her greenest gown;
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down.
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbour:
'Winter is dead.'

- from When We Were Very Young, 1924

Masters of Sex 2x01

Jul. 15th, 2014 08:28 pm
marina: (Default)
[personal profile] marina
All right, let's try a post that is not 100% doom and gloom.

short review )

(no subject)

Jul. 15th, 2014 01:20 pm
marina: (Atia sad)
[personal profile] marina
I guess I just have to accept that the next two weeks will be horrible, and try my best to function as best I can. I think that is preferable to constantly telling myself that it'll get better tomorrow.

Between the war, the fact that my workload was just increased to 150% at my job, my shitty roommate and the fact that next two weeks is when I have to finalize my travel arrangements, well.

I think it's time to stop expecting that if I just get enough sleep I'll stop being dead tired, that if I just find something calming to do I won't wake up angry and stressed. There's no way out of this, I have at least two weeks of grinding my teeth and ranting to myself as I'm falling asleep and crafting conversation with clients while I'm in the shower.

No matter what I do, my brain can't leave the pool of stress and anxiety and anger, and my body can't get enough rest. The only way out of this is through, I guess, which is extremely, extremely depressing.

This weekend it seems my options are: be stuck in Tel Aviv with my roommate who will, without doubt, start shit if we're in the same space together, or go to my parents' and be reminded why spending more than a day a week with them is not my idea of a restful time. Either way, there's no escape from how shitty things are, it's just a question of what sort of unpleasantness I want to deal with.

I guess I'm just going to try and be kind to myself in the next two weeks, and be proud of whatever I manage to accomplish.

(no subject)

Jul. 15th, 2014 12:59 am
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
Dear self,

We are going to refrain from spending obnoxious amounts of money at JoAnn's from here on out. We haven't been to the superstore in a while, it's true, and we did have 50% off coupons, but still, a budget would be nice to adhere to.

Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost

Jul. 14th, 2014 10:53 pm
turlough: pink garden poppy, flower & seedpods ((seasonal) flower of the season)
[personal profile] turlough posting in [community profile] poetry
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.

(no subject)

Jul. 14th, 2014 10:21 am
erda: (Default)
[personal profile] erda posting in [community profile] poetry
Theme week begins now. Please post poems relating to the theme of colours this week. Please tag them with the words theme:colours.

Roommate woes update

Jul. 14th, 2014 01:38 pm
marina: (Default)
[personal profile] marina
Thank you, again, to everyone who's offered help and advice on the roommate issue!

So, of course last night everything imploded spectacularly.

The girl who could have moved in for a month got a dorm room at the university (the approval takes a while) so she's no longer interested. The 22 year old never called when she said she would and answered my texts by saying she's having a hectic week and won't be able to talk any time soon (this is not as WTF as it sounds, I remind myself, since she is in the military and we are at war).

This has resulted in my current roommate having another meltdown and talking to me as if I owe her recompense if we don't manage to find anyone in time. (I in fact owe her nothing, she's paid the landlady in advance and it's not my fault she took a job that's forcing her to move out a month early.)

Anyway, between this and the periodic air sirens and trips to the bomb shelter I am now really, really stressed. My roommate's transferred all the responsibility for dealing with finding a roommate onto me (which wasn't unexpected and in fact I offered to take over things since she recently left for a 2 week training seminar), so I spent my morning basically swimming in anxiety. Facebook! Talking to people! Anticipating calls from strangers! All such wonderful activities that do not at all feature in my nightmares.

I am seriously considering just staying at my parents' this weekend, when my roommate comes home from her seminar, to avoid the prospect of several days of her freaking the fuck out and trying to pressure/harass/threaten/etc me into whatever.

(no subject)

Jul. 14th, 2014 12:23 am
denise: Image: Me, facing away from camera, on top of the Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome (Default)
[staff profile] denise posting in [site community profile] dw_maintenance
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(no subject)

Jul. 13th, 2014 11:50 pm
denise: Image: Me, facing away from camera, on top of the Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome (Default)
[staff profile] denise posting in [site community profile] dw_maintenance
Our code push will begin in approximately 15 minutes. We'll let you know when it's complete!

(no subject)

Jul. 13th, 2014 04:37 pm
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
- yesterday I baked a cake using the brown rice / white rice / tapioca flour / cornstarch mix I made. It tastes like tapioca, mostly. Which I don't know how to feel about. I think I'd like it better as a cookie.

- i made a sewing machine cover as well

- then I read David Eddings' Elenium for the first time ever. It is chockful of the usual racism and strange gender stereotypes. His usual cast of characters - the thief, the strange child, the sorceress, the "practical everyman" - were present. I don't care much for Sparhawk like I did for Garion, which might be on account of his age, but he's as old as Althalus and I think Althalus is more amusing. The Styricans as being less metropolitan but more civilized, in their own view, was really interesting, but it doesn't go very far since we only have one or two Styric characters. Of course there were some Laugh Out Loud lines and some philosophical passages. Also glad that his oeuvre includes marriages between immortal women and mortal men, partners of similar ages, because the Much Older Man + Aggressive Younger Woman thing kind of tweaks my nose a bit. They're easy books to read because of all that tho, very plot-driven. Definitely not the kind of stories I've been picking out for the SEAsteampunk antho at least XD

Internet I need your help (again)!

Jul. 13th, 2014 11:45 am
marina: (super crotch)
[personal profile] marina
THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO'S OFFERED FEEDBACK ABOUT THE ROOMMATE SITUATION! :D It was super helpful, and now I am coming to you guys for help yet again (hopefully for the last time regarding this matter).

So, today was a lovely morning. I called my current roommate to let her know I'd like Option #2 as a new roommate, but I have to meet with the girl first.

My roommate proceeded to yell at me for 10 solid minutes. I mean actual screaming. We covered all the bases: accusations (I'm terrible and dishonest and inconsiderate for taking ~this long~ to decide), ultimatums (I have two hours to make a final decision! My roommate doesn't care how!) and threats (she'll just tell Option #1 that she can move in, there's nothing I can do about it!). Ad nauseam, for 10 minutes, with screaming.

Let us of course remember I took 2 whole days OF THE WEEKEND to think about this, and that a year ago my roommate made me come to the apartment THREE TIMES before she accepted me and even after our third meeting it took a few days to get a decision. And the situation then was exactly as it is now - a roommate was leaving a month early and was on the hook for the rent, and my roommate prevaricated the fuck out of that decision. Overall the process with this apartment for me was over two weeks. I found out I got it like a week before I had to move in.

Anyway, so that was a lovely start to my morning. I didn't hang up in the face of her (multiple rounds) of screaming, but I did remain totally calm and completely dismissed all her attempts at ultimatums and threats. I'm sorry, I'm trying to be as considerate as I can, but I am not making this decision without at least meeting the person properly first. I almost feel like it's an achievement that I was so solid and undisturbed and firm and polite on the phone, but the truth is my roommate is... unpleasant but not particularly threatening? I mean she just gets hysterical a lot. I still remember her sobbing on the bathroom floor when she had the flu for two days. I swear to god I never thought I'd meet someone who gets more stressed out than I do? But I have definitely met them.

and now the actual thing I need your help with )

internet, ADVISE!

Jul. 12th, 2014 10:18 pm
marina: (essay)
[personal profile] marina
So, I have two potential roommates to choose from, and I have to decide by the end of tonight, and I am SO CONFUSED :( And looking for advice.

options )

ETA: OK, I think what I'll do is I'll tell my current roommate that I would prefer to live with Option #2 but I can't reasonably make a decision based on a 10 minute conversation. I need more data about what sort of person she is, and what living with her would be like assuming she gets discharged in December.

On the one hand, my roommate is likely to try and pressure me to make a decision right now (especially since Option #2 is likely to be unavailable until the weekend - though I'll do my best and try to go meet her at her military base if it's not too far), on the other hand, my roommate not only insisted meeting me for an hour long conversation before we moved in together (after we'd already met briefly) but also asked for REFERENCES (which never happens in Tel Aviv or possibly this country in general). So, I'm sorry, if she got to be super choosy I won't settle for making a hasty decision, no matter how much I want to help her out and get this over with.

(no subject)

Jul. 12th, 2014 01:44 am
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
- went with [personal profile] starlady to have some Viet food and then we attempted to raid the orange grove. It did not go well, because nothing was in reach.

- did some website stuff too.

- I went home and passed out until dinnertime.

- We went to Tio's Tacos for dinner, and I had a hard-shell taco and it was delicious. then while wandering around the compound admiring the sculptures, some dude came up to us and said "how are you? I'm a millionaire" and shook our hands and.... yeah I don't know either.

- there was also an attempt to find the wild donkeys that live at the hills behind my place. it did not succeed. I shall go another time, I guess.

- it was sad when [personal profile] starlady left! maybe she will be back to raid the Patten collection again ^^

- I patched all my jeans: three pairs, and had NO patches that really matched the jeans, of course. but still, the patching that needed to happen were in the crotch area, and if anybody notices, it's a clear sign that they are looking too closely at my ass. but boy, i really ought to lose some weight because those jeans are hella tight for no good reason.

- i also bought some jean material in case the iron-on patches didn't work out, and it looks like I have enough for a pair of shorts! I also now have more blue threads than I probably will ever know what to do with them. But jeans need special threads though... hmm...

Geez, it's 2am already O_o;;

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Jaded

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