Disability has been... pretty debilitating this week. My back has meant I spent the first three days of this work week coming home, lying flat on my bed for 5 hours, and still waking up in pain the next day. Lest you think I let debilitating pain, panic and despair stop me: I tried to reach out to three different ways of coping/making this issue better, all of them were unavailable (all were available during the summer).
I basically need to come up with entirely new things (that MIGHT work, because no guarantees), make phone calls, wait for appointments, and then maybe, MAYBE slowly something will improve? I love winter. (And my wonderful body that keeps breaking down in new and exciting ways.)
And I'm trying, god knows I'm trying. It's so fucking hard and exhausting and just sucks up all the energy I might have used on other things like say, writing. I'm a sad, sad writer these days.
In other news, I spent another Wednesday evening hanging out with my roommate's friends. It was less fun socially this time, because I felt more like these were just his friends he invited over, and I was just kind of... there. And not really friends with any of these people. Which is the truth! It is exactly what it is, and there's no reason for it to be otherwise, and all of these people are super super nice and I felt included and I was allowed to be part of the conversation which I do not take for granted.
But at this point, either I work hard to become friends with these people - who are really in my space to see my roommate, who they've known for ages, I'm just the random girl who also lives there - or I continue to be sort of on the sidelines? IDK, maybe it'll happen naturally if I keep showing up for their Wednesday get together? In any case it'll take some time. Which on the one hand kind of sucks, and on the other - one of these people already friended me on facebook, and she's also a writer, and honestly I can't think of a more convenient way to make friends than have them regularly show up at my house and not expect me to be a hostess. Like, in a way this is what introvert dreams are made of.
Anyway, despite the measure of social awkwardness (or rather, not-belonging) I felt, every other aspect of the evening was superb.
* Apparently this week their alcohol project (I 100% blame there being Alcohol Projects on the fact that half the group are Russian speakers; we love that shit) was a homemade Midori sour
, which indeed took some time to make. There was a cocktail shaker and bottles of lemon juice and sifting through coffee-infected white sugar. But the end result was a chilled, green salty-sweet liquid that tasted like heaven.
My stomach is still not 100% from the intense virus that had me bedridden for a week in October, and then back pain meds more recently, so I was trying to pace myself (I haven't had caffeine at all this week, in any form, and over the weekend was down to eating small meals because my stomach couldn't handle too much food at once) so I stopped myself from chugging the whole bottle.
(But as a result, we have leftovers! There is Midori sour in my fridge right now, waiting for me to come home and celebrate the weekend!)
* My roommate asked if I wanted to be in on their food order, which turned out to be sabich
, which I haven't had in a million years. I usually eat a lot earlier, but this time I didn't have dinner after work and instead waited for this deliciousness to arrive, and it was so worth it. Smooth, flavorful tahini, fried eggplant of my dreams, browned eggs, all in a soft pita. They got it from some famous sabich place (everyone at my work apparently knows about it) that has its own lingo and everything, and it was so cheap (dinner for like 5$!) and I didn't have to GO ANYWHERE to get it! It arrived at my house without me making a single phone call!
Anyway, it was greasy and satisfying and like magic, it appeared when I texted my roommate what I wanted, which is how all food should be.
* My roommate bought a tea kettle (with a filter inside) so we could make tea on Wednesdays (he personally doesn't actually drink tea) so I used the opportunity to christen it with Chinese tea the_grynne
sent me. We steeped it twice, for two rounds of tea, and it was fantastic. HIGH QUALITY GREEN TEA and greasy satisfying street food, my god. I know it's not everyone's cuppa, but it sure is mine.
* Finally, there was weed. Apparently last week someone got a joint of really, really strong marijuana from someone as a gift, and they brought it for the group, and the group only managed to smoke half of it before everyone who wanted to be high was high.
So this week we finished the second half of the joint. That shit was enough to get FIVE PEOPLE high, y'all. Holy shit. There was one girl who'd never smoked before, and everyone kept telling her to not take too much and I was like "LOL come on guys! She's gonna get like two puffs!" and then two puffs later I couldn't stop smiling, couldn't stand up, and was laughing uproariously at every goddamn thing. Like, that is some strong fucking pot.
By the end of it, when I went to put my tea mug in the sink, for a moment I couldn't remember which side of the mug should be down and which side should be up. "Best if I do the dishes then," was my roommate's joking response.
(Another thing is: he does all the dishes and cleaning up after these things, which always feels weird? Like I don't actually want to do the dishes or clean - I want to just shower and go to bed, which is what I've been doing - but I feel bad? But he never lets me near the dishes or the cleaning because like, he's the host and he invited these people and I just live there and joined because it was that or sitting in my room? And I almost feel like, the point at which they'll also become MY friends is the point at which I'll be allowed/expected to participate in the clean up? IDK IDK. It's weird.)
Anyway, so that was an A++ evening after a week of coming home and staring at the walls and wondering whether the pain will ever get any better. Honestly, given my lifestyle/health situation in the winter especially, having a weekly get together at my place that I don't have to arrange or do anything for is... I'm sure some weeks it will be annoying? But some weeks it's a lifesaver for my mental health.