Let's try this format, in hopes that this entry will be neither endless whining nor overjoyed praise for the universe.
+ I saw a doctor today who gave me an ointment to make my hands stop reenacting a slo-mo reaction to bleach exposure. IDK if this treatment will help - sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't - but I did see the doctor, which is good.
- The university has basically informed me that they will not allowed me to do a thesis this year. (BREATHE, BREATHE, DO NOT PANIC)
+ I really liked this week's Dracula, despite the sexualized violence against a woman (which I fast forwarded) because the show continues to be delightful and because Renfield.
- I have so much shit to do. So much. I still haven't written a book review of an anthology I LOVED which I would get paid for, if I wrote it. THAT'S HOW LITTLE TIME TO BREATHE I'VE HAD.
+ I got to leave work early today! To go see the doctor. I came home and washed and cleaned things, several days overdue.
- I have been so monumentally tired, and with work and classes and OTW interviews and social obligations I just keep feeling like at the end of each day I have no breathing room. I'm barely keeping up.
+ People from the OTW have been so awesome with letting me interview them. I have 7 interviews now! I'll collect however many I can by the end of the week and then see what my advisers say when I see them on Monday.
- Trying not to think about how all of this research and killing myself to get it done properly and on time will be worthless if the uni makes me wait an extra year (OH GOD OH GOD BREATHE)
+ This week was my turn to clean the apartment and I did the shoddiest job of it I have ever done (no time!) and yet my roommate is convinced (through no effort of mine!) that I cleaned the apartment better than ever! She is utterly incomprehensible to me sometimes and I've given up trying to affect her mood but having her happy makes my living space better, so.
- my kaner/tazer fic is still not done ;_________; it's been MONTHS. WHY. Can't someone just pluck it out of my head and finish it already?
+ I have gotten more enthusiasm from people about this fic in the past week than ever before, I think. I'm talking about people who've never read a single word of the draft. This is all thanks to roga
's efforts, intended or otherwise.
- Oh god I keep going to sleep with headaches and waking up with headaches and I wonder how much longer I'll last like this. I suppose I have to last until the end of December, which is when my draft is due, or collapse in the process. I keep telling myself I'll take a day off work - for mental health, for grad school - and then never do it. Ugh.
+ I have so little of the fic left to write. And I've been making progress! And people are excited! This is genuinely a huge thing.
- I feel like, as if I didn't have enough shit to take care of, I'm in the middle of an epic and neverending shipping war. I ordered a bunch of stuff online a few months ago, and now I have to keep track of everything, and out of 7 items 3 have not arrived so far. It's writing endless emails and keeping all this shit in my head and knowing that when I'm done with this mini battle another one will be waiting around the corner. I'm so, so tired of it, oh my god.
+ At least I am no longer beholden (for the time being!) to the International School at work. My boss has basically given up and I've been relieved of my duties to them. THANK FUCK at least their batshittery is no longer part of my life.
- GRAD SCHOOL. I just can't anymore. I'm so tired of fighting with the university over every goddamn thing. I'm so, so tired.
+ I managed, in the midst of everything this week, to spend an hour writing a 5 page research proposal document for one of my classes.
- one of my classmates made me feel really shitty about said document. And really shitty about my ability to ever get a degree. I know that's probably the exhaustion and panic talking, but today I genuinely found myself thinking (I, who triple majored in undergrad and went straight to grad school afterwards) "well, I'm just not good at academia. Not everyone is! It's OK! I have other things! I'm a good project manager! But I just... I'm not good enough for academia, I don't have the particular skills it requires, and I might as well just give up."
+ Masters of Sex was excellent as usual this week, although I do ever so hate the cliffhangers they've left me with.